1
00:00:07,275 --> 00:00:08,342
Step on it, steve.

2
00:00:08,409 --> 00:00:10,144
Can't this hoopty
Go any faster?

3
00:00:10,211 --> 00:00:13,814
But I'm pushing
8 miles an hour.

4
00:00:13,881 --> 00:00:16,250
Well, thank you
For picking me up
From the airport.

5
00:00:16,317 --> 00:00:18,286
You know I just get
So discombobulated

6
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:21,122
Trying to find
My way around this
Big old windy city.

7
00:00:21,189 --> 00:00:22,790
Well, glad I
Could help, myrtle,

8
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,125
But why all
The luggage?

9
00:00:24,192 --> 00:00:27,461
I am staying for
The entire weekend.

10
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:30,098
Ah. So what brings you
To chi-town this time?

11
00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:34,868
I am hellbent on claiming
Edward winslow as my own.

12
00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:36,270
Oh, but, myrtle,

13
00:00:36,337 --> 00:00:37,538
You know eddie's
Still dating greta.

14
00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:39,573
Why do you keep
Torturing yourself?

15
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:42,143
I just can't help it.

16
00:00:42,210 --> 00:00:44,212
My love for eddie

17
00:00:44,278 --> 00:00:48,282
Just burns in my belly
Like fresh corn liquor.

18
00:00:48,349 --> 00:00:52,153
Every time I think of that
Tall drink of yoo-woo

19
00:00:52,220 --> 00:00:57,691
I just wanna sip from
The well till it's dry.

20
00:00:57,758 --> 00:01:01,061
Well, if you
Feel that strongly
About eddie,

21
00:01:01,129 --> 00:01:02,330
Don't give up.

22
00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:04,332
Sometimes dreams
Do come true.

23
00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:07,301
Who would have
Ever thought I'd
Be dating laura?

24
00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:09,770
Mmm. Certainly not me.

25
00:01:09,837 --> 00:01:13,207
There's
No greater feeling
In the whole world

26
00:01:13,274 --> 00:01:15,209
Than when
The person you love

27
00:01:15,276 --> 00:01:17,077
Finally starts
To tolerate you.

28
00:01:17,145 --> 00:01:19,613
For years, laura
Would barely
Speak to me,

29
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:20,614
And just last week,

30
00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:24,852
She actually said
She loved me.

31
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:27,455
Ohh!

32
00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:28,556
[sobs]

33
00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:30,524
Myrtle?

34
00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:32,993
[blows nose]

35
00:01:33,060 --> 00:01:34,562
Ohh, steve!

36
00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:37,765
You have somebody.

37
00:01:37,831 --> 00:01:39,400
Why, I'm all alone,

38
00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:41,402
And quite frankly,
I'm getting tired

39
00:01:41,469 --> 00:01:43,537
Of resetting
My biological clock.

40
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:46,106
But, myrtle,
You're not even 21.

41
00:01:46,174 --> 00:01:47,841
You don't understand.

42
00:01:47,908 --> 00:01:50,278
After the age of 23,

43
00:01:50,344 --> 00:01:52,680
Urkel women begin
To start to look...

44
00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:55,349
Uh, mannish.

45
00:01:55,416 --> 00:01:56,984
I have to snag edward

46
00:01:57,050 --> 00:01:59,086
Before my beard comes in.

47
00:01:59,153 --> 00:02:00,654
Ooh! Steve, look out!

48
00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:02,456
Whoo! Whoo!

49
00:02:17,705 --> 00:02:18,739
[door opens]

50
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:20,608
Hey, baby.

51
00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:21,675
Heh heh heh .

52
00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:27,581
How...

53
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:28,482
Is...

54
00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:31,452
The love of my life, huh?

55
00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:32,486
[growls]

56
00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:34,222
Well, now, why
Are you so happy?

57
00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:35,223
Am I happy?

58
00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:36,424
I guess I am happy.

59
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:39,927
Happy, happy, happy,
Happy, happy, happy.

60
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:41,061
What, did you
Get a raise?

61
00:02:41,128 --> 00:02:44,832
No, I got rejuvenated.

62
00:02:44,898 --> 00:02:47,935
I finally took your advice
And got one of those
Therapeutic massages.

63
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:53,541
10 minutes ago,
I was sitting pretty
In shiatsu city.

64
00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:54,475
Ohh.

65
00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:56,043
Well, you're
Feeling good?

66
00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:57,077
Oh, baby.

67
00:02:57,144 --> 00:03:00,848
I am a new man.

68
00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:03,251
Ariana poked...

69
00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:04,485
Prodded...

70
00:03:04,552 --> 00:03:06,687
And pounded all
Of my stress away.

71
00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:08,856
That's great, honey.

72
00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:10,624
Ariana?

73
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,094
Yeah, my masseuse.

74
00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:15,229
Ah.

75
00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:16,730
Is she attractive?

76
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,132
No.

77
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,302
No.

78
00:03:21,369 --> 00:03:22,803
Just the opposite.

79
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:24,638
Mm-hmm. Heh heh.

80
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:26,474
Big, beefy sister.

81
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,711
Swollen...

82
00:03:30,778 --> 00:03:32,079
With a wanky eye.

83
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:33,314
Oh.

84
00:03:33,381 --> 00:03:35,283
Hey, family.
What's up?

85
00:03:35,349 --> 00:03:36,550
Carl: hey.

86
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:41,989
You miss me?

87
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,023
Miss you?

88
00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:44,658
How could
We miss you?

89
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:47,561
You been
Over here every day
Since you moved out.

90
00:03:47,628 --> 00:03:50,398
Oh. Don't you
Pay any attention
To your father.

91
00:03:50,464 --> 00:03:51,899
I missed you, baby.

92
00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:53,166
That's right.

93
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,868
And you know the reason
I'm always over here

94
00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:56,904
Is 'cause
I miss my mommy.

95
00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:59,172
Yeah.

96
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,609
And you want me
To do your laundry.

97
00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:03,611
Please?!

98
00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:05,479
Alright, eddie,
But from now on,

99
00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:07,681
You're gonna
Do your own
Laundry, ok?

100
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:08,849
Ah, thanks, mom.

101
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,784
Oh, mom, don't forget
The fabric softener.

102
00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:14,288
You know it makes
My shirts smell sweet
And springtime fresh.

103
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,690
Ooh.

104
00:04:24,332 --> 00:04:26,534
Sweet and
Springtime fresh?

105
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,303
Mmm. Y'all must be
Talking about me.

106
00:04:30,203 --> 00:04:32,072
Quick! Somebody
Call the zoo!

107
00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:34,942
The water buffalo
Broke loose!

108
00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:37,378
Oh. Now,
Eddie, be nice.

109
00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:38,746
Mama, I am being nice.

110
00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:41,248
I was gonna say,
"Quick! Somebody
Call the news!

111
00:04:41,315 --> 00:04:43,317
They just had
A bigfoot sighting!"

112
00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:47,020
But I held back.

113
00:04:47,087 --> 00:04:48,589
Well, I ain't
Holding back,

114
00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:52,292
You big old
Squeeze bottle
Of honey.

115
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:55,829
I want you, and
I'm gonna have you.

116
00:04:57,398 --> 00:05:01,369
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm!

117
00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:05,539
I like my mens
Like I like my coffee--

118
00:05:05,606 --> 00:05:08,342
Hot, black, and strong.

119
00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:20,954
Edward.

120
00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:22,322
Ooh.

121
00:05:22,390 --> 00:05:24,358
I'll get him later.

122
00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:39,172
Hi, laura.

123
00:05:39,239 --> 00:05:40,674
Eeh!

124
00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:45,946
I mean, hi.

125
00:05:47,515 --> 00:05:49,650
Oh, I can't sleep.

126
00:05:49,717 --> 00:05:54,221
For some reason,
Mr. Sandman
Has ignored me tonight.

127
00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:55,889
Myrtle,
It's only 7:30.

128
00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:58,058
Oh. Well, I'm depressed.

129
00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:00,661
I'm a mississippi queen

130
00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:04,197
Sleeping all alone
In a california king.

131
00:06:04,264 --> 00:06:06,266
[sobs]

132
00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:08,335
[blows nose]

133
00:06:08,402 --> 00:06:10,203
Uh, myrtle...

134
00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:12,840
Is--is there
Anything I can do?

135
00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:15,709
Hold me.

136
00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:21,248
[gasping]

137
00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:23,417
There, there, myrtle.

138
00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:27,120
Oh, laura,
I'm at my wits' end

139
00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:29,990
Over edward's
Constant rejection
Of my affections.

140
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,059
But, myrtle, eddie's
Always rejected you,

141
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:33,594
And it never seemed
To bother you before.

142
00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:35,963
Oh, of course it did.

143
00:06:36,029 --> 00:06:39,266
I just masked the pain.

144
00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:41,502
Oh, sure, I know
What you were thinking.

145
00:06:41,569 --> 00:06:43,203
I'm just
Another carefree,

146
00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:45,439
Incredibly pretty
Rich girl.

147
00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:48,008
But deep inside,

148
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:53,313
I'm a heartbroken,
Incredibly pretty
Rich girl.

149
00:06:53,380 --> 00:06:54,948
You read my mind,
Myrtle.

150
00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:55,816
Oh, my, my, my!

151
00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:59,920
Why doesn't edward
Love me?!

152
00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:05,626
You don't think
It's because my feet are
Bigger than his, do you?

153
00:07:08,696 --> 00:07:10,097
No.

154
00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:11,398
Uh, myrtle, you know,

155
00:07:11,465 --> 00:07:14,101
I think that you
Just don't have the...

156
00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:16,303
Look that eddie goes for.

157
00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:18,338
What do you mean?

158
00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:21,408
Well, you know, um...

159
00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:24,478
You're behind the times
By a few, uh...

160
00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:26,079
Decades.

161
00:07:28,315 --> 00:07:30,784
Oh, but my style
Is classic.

162
00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:34,021
Oh, this is timeless,
Honey, timeless.

163
00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:35,322
This is timeless.

164
00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:37,024
I'm sorry.

165
00:07:40,027 --> 00:07:41,428
Yeah, maybe,

166
00:07:41,495 --> 00:07:44,598
But, um, it's not
Exactly eddie's style.

167
00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:47,400
You know,
He likes a girl with
A hot nineties look.

168
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,469
Hmm.

169
00:07:49,537 --> 00:07:51,171
Well...

170
00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:55,142
Maybe I could
Stand to make a few
Eensy-weensy changes.

171
00:07:56,577 --> 00:07:57,611
What do you suggest?

172
00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,947
Head-to-toe makeover.

173
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:03,483
Ooh, mercy.

174
00:08:03,551 --> 00:08:04,552
Would you help me?

175
00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:06,019
Ooh, I thought
You'd never ask.

176
00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:28,742
Alright, myrtle.

177
00:08:28,809 --> 00:08:31,378
Now, binge is
The hottest store
In the mall.

178
00:08:31,444 --> 00:08:33,981
Mm, bet. Everyone
Who shops here is fly.

179
00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:36,550
Why don't you look around
And see what grabs you?

180
00:08:36,617 --> 00:08:39,019
Ok. Let's see here.

181
00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:41,622
Ooh.

182
00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:46,627
Look, look, look.

183
00:08:46,694 --> 00:08:49,963
Oh, isn't this
The most adorable
Little ensemb?

184
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,131
No.
No.

185
00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:58,138
Oh. That dress is perfect.

186
00:08:58,205 --> 00:08:59,139
[doubtful]
On me?

187
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:00,674
No, girl, on me.

188
00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:04,945
You know, ladies,

189
00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:09,049
I'm not too sure
These clothes really
Say, "Myrtle."

190
00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:12,019
They seem to be saying,
"Kellie" or "Cherie"

191
00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:14,755
Or cutesy little
Girl names like that.

192
00:09:15,623 --> 00:09:17,224
Myrtle,
How about this one?

193
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:18,558
It's half off.

194
00:09:18,626 --> 00:09:21,028
Hmm. No wonder.
It's only half a dress.

195
00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:26,066
Besides, no one
Would look good
In that rag.

196
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:29,837
Unless you
A hootchie mama.

197
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:42,449
Myrtle, if you wanna
Sell some cake,

198
00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:44,051
Baby, you gotta
Put on some icing.

199
00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:47,020
Ooh! You so naughty!

200
00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:52,125
Now, the trick
To looking good

201
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:54,327
Is to accentuate
Your best features.

202
00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:55,328
Oh, yes.

203
00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:58,031
And that
Would be?

204
00:10:00,233 --> 00:10:02,670
Actually, myrtle,
You have nice legs.

205
00:10:02,736 --> 00:10:04,905
A miniskirt would
Show them off.

206
00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:07,107
Work it,
Girlfriend.

207
00:10:07,174 --> 00:10:08,676
Ooh, you're right.

208
00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:11,044
No more hiding
These gorgeous gams.

209
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:12,946
[giggles]

210
00:10:14,081 --> 00:10:16,549
Yep. Charge it!

211
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,618
If you really
Wanna stop traffic,

212
00:10:18,686 --> 00:10:20,153
You should
Buy a bustier.

213
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:22,222
Ooh, scandalous.

214
00:10:24,424 --> 00:10:25,759
And very sexy.

215
00:10:25,826 --> 00:10:27,427
Mmm. I'll take 2.

216
00:10:27,494 --> 00:10:28,896
Charge it!

217
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:33,066
And nothing
Says wild woman
Like a cat suit.

218
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,467
[gasps]

219
00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:36,136
Purrrr.

220
00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:40,173
Charge it!

221
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:41,308
Now we're talking.

222
00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:42,575
Yes, charge it all!

223
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:43,911
Charge it! Charge it!
Charge it all!

224
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,412
Ooh, and charge these.

225
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,214
Ooh, ooh, and--
And charge these.

226
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:50,050
I had my eye on that one.

227
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:52,019
Charge this. Charge this.
Ooh, ooh, charge that!

228
00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:54,321
Whoo!

229
00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:55,989
Aah! Charge it!

230
00:10:56,056 --> 00:10:57,925
Aah!

231
00:10:59,226 --> 00:11:00,360
Charge it!

232
00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:03,663
And charge that!
And charge that!

233
00:11:03,731 --> 00:11:06,466
And charge that!

234
00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:09,870
Get ready, eddie,
'cause myrtle mae urkel

235
00:11:09,937 --> 00:11:11,638
Is droppin' her inhibitions

236
00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:13,373
Raising her hem line

237
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:16,343
And unleashing the full power
Of her womanlyhood.

238
00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:18,345
Whoo! Hallelujah!

239
00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:34,427
[doorbell rings]

240
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:42,635
Hello.

241
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:43,904
Oh, hi.

242
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,308
If you're looking
For eddie, he moved.

243
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:51,912
Oh, actually, I'm looking
For captain carl.

244
00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:54,281
Captain carl?

245
00:11:54,347 --> 00:11:55,949
Oh, I'm sorry.

246
00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:58,085
That's just my little
Nickname for him.

247
00:11:58,151 --> 00:12:01,021
Actually, his name
Is carl winslow.

248
00:12:01,088 --> 00:12:01,822
[giggles]

249
00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:03,256
Are you the maid?

250
00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:07,594
No, sweetie.

251
00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:08,896
I'm the wife,

252
00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:11,664
Admiral harriette.

253
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,466
Oh. Heh. I'm sorry.

254
00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:14,467
[giggles]

255
00:12:14,534 --> 00:12:16,003
I'm ariana.

256
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,437
Oh.

257
00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:19,039
The masseuse?

258
00:12:19,106 --> 00:12:22,675
Oh, I prefer the term
"Licensed therapeutic
Reflexologist."

259
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:23,877
[giggles]

260
00:12:23,944 --> 00:12:26,213
After all,
I am a professional.

261
00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:29,316
I bet you are.

262
00:12:29,382 --> 00:12:31,651
Well, now, how can
I help you, ariana?

263
00:12:31,718 --> 00:12:33,153
Oh, well, I just came by

264
00:12:33,220 --> 00:12:34,955
To return the captain's
Credit card.

265
00:12:35,022 --> 00:12:37,057
I guess he was
Feeling so good when
I finished with him,

266
00:12:37,124 --> 00:12:39,359
He just floated home
Without it.

267
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:40,961
Oh, ho ho ho ho.

268
00:12:41,028 --> 00:12:43,196
Thank you so much.

269
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:44,231
[imitates giggle]

270
00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:45,833
Bye-bye.

271
00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:49,369
Carl.

272
00:12:50,838 --> 00:12:52,605
[sweetly]
Oh, carl.

273
00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:53,706
Yeah?

274
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:56,243
Can I see you
For a sec?

275
00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:04,117
Yeah, hon?

276
00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:06,820
Your masseuse
Just stopped by.

277
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:11,724
Ariana?

278
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:15,028
That's right,
Captain carl.

279
00:13:15,929 --> 00:13:18,365
Oh. Well,
You see, honey--

280
00:13:18,431 --> 00:13:19,366
Heh heh heh.

281
00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:21,201
That's a little nickname

282
00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:24,204
Due to the fact
That I'm a, you know,
I'm a--I'm a, uh...

283
00:13:24,271 --> 00:13:27,107
Captain. Heh heh heh.
Heh heh heh.

284
00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:30,810
And that my name
Is, you know, you know,
My name is, uh...

285
00:13:30,878 --> 00:13:31,811
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

286
00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:33,813
Carl.
Heh heh heh heh. Yeah.

287
00:13:33,881 --> 00:13:35,215
Well, the interesting
Thing is, carl,

288
00:13:35,282 --> 00:13:36,950
When I asked you
What she looked like,

289
00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:40,921
You used the phrase,
"Big, beefy sister."

290
00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:43,423
Well, now, you see,
You misunderstood.

291
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,158
Mm-hmm. Yep, you did,

292
00:13:45,225 --> 00:13:46,426
See, because,
What I said was

293
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:49,096
That she had
 A big, beefy sister.

294
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,463
That's what I said.
Mm-hmm.

295
00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:55,702
You said she was swollen
And had a wanky eye.

296
00:13:55,768 --> 00:13:58,371
Well, you see--no.
No, I didn't say that.

297
00:13:58,438 --> 00:14:00,507
You see, what I said
Was she went bowling,

298
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:05,078
And she had some
Swanky pie they served
At the bowling alley.

299
00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:13,620
Ok, harriette, I lied.

300
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:15,088
But why?

301
00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:17,090
Well, I figured
If I told you,

302
00:14:17,157 --> 00:14:19,927
You wouldn't let her
Rub on me anymore.

303
00:14:21,761 --> 00:14:24,932
Well, carl,
You're right.

304
00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:28,735
But, harriette,
She really is
A good masseuse.

305
00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:32,172
I mean, my back
Never felt better.

306
00:14:32,239 --> 00:14:35,008
And our health insurance
Covers 10% of it.

307
00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:38,511
And the fact
That she's attractive
Doesn't matter?

308
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:39,546
Nah!

309
00:14:40,613 --> 00:14:42,449
Uh-uh. No, no.
No way. Uh-uh.

310
00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:46,319
Good, 'cause
We gonna find you
A terrific masseuse

311
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:50,323
Who really is swollen
And has a wanky eye.

312
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:53,526
Yeah, but, harriette...
Well, you see...

313
00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:10,010
Steve, come on.
We're gonna be late
For the movies.

314
00:15:10,077 --> 00:15:12,079
I'm ready.

315
00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:13,513
What's in the basket?

316
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:15,348
Oh, just a few snacks.

317
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,951
Let's see
What we got here.

318
00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:20,053
Badger chips...

319
00:15:21,021 --> 00:15:24,524
A fresh jar
Of squid jelly.

320
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:26,659
Ooh! And lastly...

321
00:15:27,727 --> 00:15:30,230
Weasel dogs!

322
00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:32,565
Oh!
Oh!

323
00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:33,866
Oh! Don't eat me.

324
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,669
Don't eat me.
Don't eat me! Aah!

325
00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:40,907
What about popcorn?

326
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:44,144
At the movies?

327
00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:47,547
Psst!

328
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:49,016
Is the coast clear?

329
00:15:49,082 --> 00:15:51,651
If you're wondering
Where myrtle is,
She's upstairs.

330
00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:53,987
And she's got a big
Surprise for you.

331
00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:55,488
Uh-uh. Not for me.

332
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:57,057
I'm sneaking into
The laundry room,

333
00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:59,359
I'm getting my clothes,
And I'm out of here.

334
00:15:59,426 --> 00:16:01,394
Well, I hope you're not
Wearing any cologne

335
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:04,331
Because myrtle
Has a nose like
A bloodhound.

336
00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:06,599
Yeah, and
A face to match.

337
00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:24,017
Gaa!

338
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:38,631
Hey, sailor.

339
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:41,301
Buy a girl a drink?

340
00:16:43,803 --> 00:16:45,138
Myrtle?

341
00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:47,507
Live and in color.

342
00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:50,343
Oh, you look different.

343
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:52,045
Sexy?

344
00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:55,515
No. I ain't saying
All that now.

345
00:16:55,582 --> 00:16:58,185
I-I just said
You look different.

346
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:02,655
What's wrong
With your eyes?

347
00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:05,658
I replaced my spectacles
With tinted lenses.

348
00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:07,260
Maxine coifed my do,

349
00:17:07,327 --> 00:17:11,464
And laura helped me pick out
This spicy little number.

350
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:17,237
Yeah. That's
Real nice, myrtle.
See ya.

351
00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:29,382
What's the hurry,
Big fella?

352
00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:32,419
Myrtle, please.

353
00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:34,621
Oh, my!

354
00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:38,225
We're all alone
In this great big,
Old house.

355
00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:39,892
If you were to make
A pass at me,

356
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:44,063
There'd be no one
To hear my cries.

357
00:17:48,868 --> 00:17:50,503
But they'd hear mine.

358
00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:53,873
Myrtle, no! Uh--aah!

359
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:58,711
Oh! Oh! Oh!
You nasty boy!

360
00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:05,785
However did you get me
In this compromising
Position?

361
00:18:05,852 --> 00:18:07,220
Oh!

362
00:18:07,287 --> 00:18:10,190
Don't! Stop it!
Get off me! Aah!

363
00:18:12,125 --> 00:18:14,361
Oh! Oh!

364
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:18,631
Edward! On the floor?!

365
00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:25,305
You animal!

366
00:18:25,372 --> 00:18:29,242
There are some things a good
Girl just won't do.

367
00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:33,780
But for you, I'm bad.

368
00:18:36,349 --> 00:18:38,084
Oh!
Myrtle, stop!

369
00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:39,586
Get off me!
Don't!

370
00:18:42,289 --> 00:18:44,891
Myrtle, stay away
From me! I'm--

371
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:47,327
I'm out--myr--

372
00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:54,066
Aah!
Myrtle, stop it!

373
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,968
Don't touch me! I mean it!
I'm not playing with you.

374
00:18:56,035 --> 00:18:56,969
I might have to
Start swinging.

375
00:18:57,036 --> 00:18:58,371
Myrtle, stop it!
Aah!

376
00:18:58,438 --> 00:19:02,141
You hold still!
Hold still,
My chocolate hunk.

377
00:19:02,209 --> 00:19:04,444
Aah! Ooh!

378
00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:16,055
Why, look at me...

379
00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:18,525
Haven't I
Suffered enough?

380
00:19:23,062 --> 00:19:25,365
What am I doing?

381
00:19:25,432 --> 00:19:29,802
Why, I'm behaving
Like a common strumpet,

382
00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:34,707
Flinging myself upon you
With reckless abandon!

383
00:19:34,774 --> 00:19:36,909
Oh! It's scandalous!

384
00:19:38,978 --> 00:19:40,747
Oh! Well, no more!

385
00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:45,051
I have far too much pride
And way too much money

386
00:19:45,117 --> 00:19:47,220
To chase you like this.

387
00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:49,789
But that never
Stopped you before.

388
00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:51,824
I know.

389
00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:54,394
And I finally realized

390
00:19:54,461 --> 00:19:57,564
No matter how the package
Is wrapped,

391
00:19:57,630 --> 00:20:00,333
You just don't want
The gift.

392
00:20:03,169 --> 00:20:04,971
I'm sorry, myrtle.

393
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:07,974
Don't cry for me,
Eddie winslow.

394
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,342
Ooh!

395
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:18,718
My heart may be broken,
But it will heal

396
00:20:18,785 --> 00:20:22,255
'cause there's a whole world
Of mens out there.

397
00:20:22,322 --> 00:20:27,960
And I'm gonna find me one
That's gonna love me the way
I deserve to be loved.

398
00:20:32,265 --> 00:20:33,933
Myrtle? Myr-myrtle?

399
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:37,904
So this means that
You're not gonna
Chase me anymore?

400
00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:39,372
No.

401
00:20:39,439 --> 00:20:41,841
And you're not
Gonna buy me
Expensive gifts

402
00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:43,810
Or have me followed?

403
00:20:43,876 --> 00:20:45,312
No.

404
00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:48,180
W-w-wait. You
Mean that I-it's--

405
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:49,749
It's really,
Truly over?

406
00:20:49,816 --> 00:20:51,718
That's right.

407
00:20:51,784 --> 00:20:53,185
Whoa!

408
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:56,656
Well, myrtle...

409
00:20:56,723 --> 00:20:59,559
What's my life
Gonna be like
Without you in it?

410
00:20:59,626 --> 00:21:02,862
Frankly, my dear,
I don't give a damn.

411
00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:23,282
[roy orbison's
 Pretty woman plays]